sinclair_furie: (good omens)
Remember the whole Lex Luthor and Clark Kent are so doing it thing? Well, here's a piece of fiction that takes another look at the situation. Only, it's not about Clark and Lex getting it on, but rather... um, Clark thinks he's pregnant. Lex knows that Clark is prettier than he is smart, but aren't delusions of male pregnancy overdoing it? So, I give you Adaptability by Pru. Go read it.
It's a mind-killing kind of funny.
In this excerpt, Clark and Lex are discussing how they've just moved in together. And then...
When Clark didn't answer, Lex said easily, "It's a big change, I know. If you'd like, you could have your own bedroom and we could slowly work up to--"

"I think I'm pregnant!" Clark blurted out.

" -- sharing a bed every what the fuck are you talking about, Clark?" Lex demanded.

Clark stared at his hands and looked terrified. "Pregnant," he said morosely.

Lex rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Clark," he started haltingly. "I -- I know your human health and reproduction teacher was a little preoccupied with seducing me and then plotting to have me killed, but I hope you're peripherally aware men cannot actually gestate."

Glaring at him in vehemently, Clark said, "Lex, I'm not joking."

"I'm not either," Lex insisted, deadly serious. He made a mental note to begin petitioning for public office, as it seemed apparent that the sex education curriculum in Kansas was abhorrent and the only way he'd be able to do anything about it was to strong-arm his way onto the local government
Alas. The internet is such a cool place sometimes.
sinclair_furie: (cm in drag)
So, first we have fake gay news. Because real gay news is too depressing. Which is really, the most hilarious stuff ever. Some quotes for you:

Christian Meteorologists Declare War on Rainbows
Because rainbows are composed of curved spectrums of light that become visibile only when the sun’s light passes through prism-like raindrops during a rain shower, Climatologists for Christ are focusing their efforts on ending all forms of rain. When reporters questioned how the earth would survive without rainfall, Banger fired back, “The love of God will keep us moist!”

Conservatives Up in Arms Over "Bi-Curious George"

“Due to the heterosexist framing of thought present in most modern media throughout the past,” he continues, “the entendre laden, symbiotic nature of the tacit ‘companionship’ agreement between George and his unmarried, tightly-clad keeper in a cowboy hat has largely been able to fly under the radar."
Gay Couple Forced to Return Adopted Ethiopian Child – Didn’t Go With Drapes
"Walter and I have a lot of love to share and we really want to do that with a child of color. Just not this exact color. As you can see, Zahaddox’s complexion, though gorgeous, is ‘bisque’ or in some lights, ‘burnt umber.’ That just wasn’t going to work with our home’s color scheme.”
There's more. Lots more. Like why dinosaurs died out.

And then there is this piece of fanfiction from the Smallville Universe by some Lady Angel. The Fetish Drabbles. Which, thought they sound  pornographic, are anything but. However, I believe they are sort of parodies of two pieces that are of rather questionable content, i.e. Easy Tonight and Fetish by a certain Jenn.
A wondrous example:
Luthors need to control their base instincts. Maybe he can take his mother's maiden name.
Luthors don't beg. What was his mom's maiden name again?
-- Lex in "Fetish" by Jenn


"Lex, what in the hell is this?"
Lex glanced at the paper lazily. His smile grew. "A change of name form."
"And why the hell," Lionel asked . . . too calmly. "Would you even want to change your name?"
Lex smirked. "Well, Dad, you know how Luthors don't beg or plead? How they control their baser instincts?"
"Yes." The word was bitten off. "So what?"
Smug, smug, completely satiated smile. "Clark turned eighteen last night."
"Fuck."
"Yeah. Well, several times actually."
Ah, love.

Ah, a third amusing thing. Would be another Smallville story by a certain [livejournal.com profile] privatetentacle called The Stuff of Legend. Hugely amusing. Clark finds the truth in an eighties movie about unicorns and true love and... Tom Cruise's leather clad groin. Not at all expicit, just really really funny.
A little goblin with a knight’s visor buried his head in one of the farmwife’s mixing bowls and came up, face dripping with egg.
“Hmm, the world has been covered by a blanket of ice, a chill so intense it has frozen people where they stand; time itself,” Lex intoned, “is frozen. Yet the muffin batter is still a little too runny …”
“Muffin baking is an art, Lex,” Clark offered playfully. “Mine always turn out lumpy.”
“Always? You’re big into the muffin baking?”
sinclair_furie: (libs)
I got into Princeton. And some other colleges (namely Penn and Cornell), uselessly, but they suck becuase they won't give me money. Also, Stanford waitlisted me, but I hate them for the same reason Penn and Cornell suck ass. Also, they rejected so many of my friends, so they can stuff a combat knife up their collective asses.
But! Princeton! I think I've set a record for unhappiest to hear from their second choice school because I nearly cried when my mom walked in to the room and showed me the package.
They're giving me lots of MONEY. And MIT FinAid, bless its heart, is taking fucking FOREVER. :(
Seriously, the 95% chance to go to MIT was based on getting into MIT and probably not getting into Princeton.
I don't know what the likelihood of going to MIT is given Princeton admission. Conditional probability is another candidate for bend over, grab your knees, and who the fuck needs lube anyway?
Anyhow, I am conflicted. My soul, if I had one, would be in AGONY.

Edit: To make it worse, Lex Luthor went to Princeton. Lex. Luthor. My very favorite ambiguously sexual, purple-wearing, farmboy-obsessed bald CEO. You can claim he's fictional all you want. He's real to me, and that's all that matters.
sinclair_furie: (Default)
So, remember how I'm convinced that Lex Luthor is Clark Kent's love slave? And very very gay, or probably bi with all those purple shirts and obsessive gazes at Clark...
I just read the funniest bit of fan-fiction by [livejournal.com profile] evangelene . It does get slashy towards the middle, but anybody who's watched even a single episode of Smallville... read it now. It is possibly the most Out of Character fic in existence.
Here's how [livejournal.com profile] tamalinn   described it:

It's an AU. Martha's a drunk and Jonathan's her battered husband. Lionel is a loving father who never got over Lillian's death, and wishes he could just bring poor, shy Lex out of his shell. Lana... Lana... *bursts out laughing* I can't spoil it. You have to read Lana. Chloe's a cheerleader who has a tendency to contract VD. Pete and Whitney are twinks who are so, so in love.

A quote for you. Go read it. Now. )

sinclair_furie: (sirus/james)
Well, I'd like to regale you with funny quotes about how very gay Smallville (specifically, Clark/Lex) is, but too lazy. But these icons from [livejournal.com profile] alax are too good to pass up on. And more of [livejournal.com profile] shaggirl 's userpics here.
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