sinclair_furie

So, remember how I'm convinced that Lex Luthor is Clark Kent's love slave? And very very gay, or probably bi with all those purple shirts and obsessive gazes at Clark...
I just read the funniest bit of fan-fiction by

evangelene . It does get slashy towards the middle, but anybody who's watched even a single episode of Smallville... read it now. It is possibly the most Out of Character fic in existence.
Here's how

tamalinn described it:

It's an AU. Martha's a drunk and Jonathan's her battered husband. Lionel is a loving father who never got over Lillian's death, and wishes he could just bring poor, shy Lex out of his shell. Lana... Lana... *bursts out laughing* I can't spoil it. You have to read Lana. Chloe's a cheerleader who has a tendency to contract VD. Pete and Whitney are twinks who are so, so in love.

"What's with the hat?" Whitney asked. Stupid fucking asshole Whitney. Clark could've killed him.

"It covers my head," Lex said plainly. Clark could've kissed him. Really.

"Soooo...you live in that castle, baby?" Pete tried.

"Yes," Lex said. There was a long period of silence where everyone looked uneasy. Except Lex. He looked...bored?

"Soooo..." he said suddenly, and Clark would swear he was mocking Pete, "You guys are gay?"

Clark just about choked. Lana cracked up.

"Well, whaddaya know?" Pete said in an irritated tone, "Baby's got gaydar."

"Oh yeah," Lana said between coughs, "because you totally need it with you guys."

"Yeah," Clark said to Lex, grinning, "they're pretty much the gayest."

Lex only nodded. Then said suddenly, "It was nice meeting you." He got on his bike and rode away, leaving the other three to stare after him. "Hmmmm..." Pete said icily, "Wonder why he has no friends."